1:03AM

How incredibly frustrating to have so many feelings, so many thoughts all at once, without a way of putting them out into the world so eloquently.

There's always some music, some drawing, some poem, something out there that can better articulate my guts, but I'd feel like I'm cheating myself if I relied on them to do so.

I wish I could stop staring at this blinking cursor.

Maybe I'll make a list to get the ~juices running...?

  1. Today I learned that Biscoff cookie butter tastes much better (and pairs much better with bread) than Speculoos. I recognize that I am two years late for this food trend.
  2. Few things make me sigh a happy sigh than when my beloved pulls me close and spoons me upon waking up. (Craving that right now, to be honest; the weather's getting cooler.)
  3. So blessed to be 4'11" (4'11... and a half?) because I get to fit comfortably into someone's neck and even armpits during tight hugs.
  4. I'm not doing a lot outside of work these days, but I feel motivated to draw/sew again. That's a start, I guess.
  5. If someone kisses you deeply after you've devoured tacos smothered with onions, keep them.
  6. This is so #JustGirlyThings, but Human Nature's tomato-something toner leaves my face so refreshed. I don't even use toners or fancy stuff on my face, and I don't even care if it works. I just like how it feels heh
  7. I am so pudgy, and I am happy. I eat well.



A love letter

Hello, love.

It's 19 minutes to your afternoon break, and I'm in the office as I write this. With only an 11-peso jeepney ride keeping us apart, your nearness gives me comfort and longing at the same time.

I count the hours to the last day of this weekend when I’ll be able to hold your hand again, the scent of your perfume mixed with cigarettes leaving memories on my palm.

I look forward to the long and sweaty and tiring walks we’ll have on Sunday, visiting places in Manila as if I’ve never done it a hundred times before because I no longer have to do it alone – I will have you beside me.

And I look forward to even more days with you.

Those days we’ll spend travelling up north and halfway across the country, outside its borders and into new territory; indulging your interests and indulging mine, from which we learn what makes each other tick, what pushes us to make our choices, and what drives us to become who we are.

They’ll make my love for you grow even more.

I crave the days I’ll spend with you under the sheets, feeling the warmth of your skin against mine, my face buried in your chest, our limbs intertwined… You feel like home.

I would be foolish to not fear that perhaps, like most things, one day you will go. It’s the kind of fear that keeps my eyes wide open at night staring at the ceiling in a futile attempt to ignore it, but it’s the kind of fear I’ve chosen to accept. It’s the kind of fear that I overcome only by loving you well.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you so.


3:21PM

An attempt to make posterity my thing again

I haven't been writing in a long while. Except for my inane captions on Instagram and several bursts of emotion on Twitter, there haven't been enough words coming out of me lately. I've been vomiting them online since high school and for much longer offline when the coolest thing you could do with a computer was WordArt. Now writing hardly ever comes so easy because, frankly, I'm lazy. It's more convenient to take photos.

Besides, one is equivalent to a thousand words anyway.........


But my ramblings, no matter how much they don't make sense to many, are my way of sorting my thoughts through. Just like at the end of the day when I clean up my bag (okay, sometimes I don't), I would blog about mundane things I did for posterity, to filter emotions, to vent, to "see" my thought process in words because I'm a visual person. After that my head's rid of stuff I don't need or stuff my brain can't contain anymore kasi 16GB lang yata capacity 'teh so it must be put somewhere I could remember for later.

Plus I've been stressed/forgetful/dim lately, and I blame all this to my lack of practice in writing. Writing makes me think in a more organized, calmer way and that shows in how I behave, and do things.

So! Please accept this post as my attempt to write properly again. And to make posterity my thing again (to entertain the grandkids with, if I ever have any). K thx.

I'm sharing a photo of me and Kevin earlier at the studio looking silly because I haven't smiled that way in almost a month; this type of good shit needs to be immortalized on the Internet.

Good night.