I'm feeling so alive lately. You know how some days you feel insecure and unlike yourself and just downright ugly? Well...I'm having the opposite of that. Maybe it's because I'm eating better and taking care of myself better, and all the effort sort of ~radiates through.

But it's mostly because I'm empowered by the fact that I can—and have been able to—indulge my interests. Or maybe it goes the other way around since doing things I really like fulfills me beyond words.

For instance (and I'm just going to list things down because I'm not feeling particularly chatty right now, and I have to wake up in three hours lol) in the past few weeks, I was able to:

- Haul my ass aaaall the way to Manila Zoo for a date with myself
- Enroll in an art class in May (watercolor by Valerie Chua)
- Swim several laps in the neighborhood pool (this is a milestone; I haven't exercised in years)
- Spend a lazy junk food-binge night at a new hotel just because
- Visit art fairs
- Discover new neighborhoods (I particularly like walking in side streets for more precise navigation)
- Draw more ('yung may effort na; hindi lang sketch)
- Eat at new places that serve yummy food (like Gino's at Katipunan after a walk in UP Diliman!)
- (I'm still looking around for dance classes with flexible schedules this summer, but that won't count unless I'm finally enrolled)

These all contributed, I believe, to my renewed sense of wonder and genuine interest to experience the world. If you know me well enough, you'd know how comfortable I am in my own company, in my little box of a universe. But some days I just crave sun and human interaction (although I still do some of these by myself). When I'm able to do what I love and when my choices magnify my freedom, I am enriched in many ways and somehow given a sense of accomplishment. It feels amazing.


I've been itching to write again, though I couldn't find anything to write about from my well of inspiration. There's been a dry spell. I just wanted to write something, to make sense of my thoughts or to have something to look back on. My phone's storage space has been reminding me lately that it's full, so I thought maybe I could find a few photos to use as blog fodder and then delete afterward. (Just in case you're wondering: I hesitate to repost stuff here from my Instagram because that's equivalent to repeating myself and that's annoying.)

But alas:

There is obviously nothing remotely interesting to talk about besides that it's a screenshot of all screenshots I've taken. I screencap for future referencing, much like what most people do when they favorite a tweet—and likewise forget all about it completely. But the Kodak moments, for some reason, I never bother with.

And it's not like there's nothing happening in my life; on the contrary, in a short span of time I've attended art exhibits, helped in fashion shows, discovered new places, eaten great food, hung out with friends old and new, and made a few things. Clearly there's no lack of subjects to take photos of.

I feel like I've taken for granted the opportunity to freeze moments because I've become lazy to do so, but more probably because I've developed a thinking that it's baduy to do so. With the frequency everyone's been taking out their phones to capture shots of their food or their outfit or this new place they're in, someone somewhere is silently judging you (admittedly, including I) for that. And it has made me more self-conscious than I already am.

It's sad. Sad that I stop myself from doing what could be enjoyable because laziness gets the best of me and just because some irrelevant person might disapprove. Sadder that I have to work so hard to find inspiration, when it used to come so naturally. Like that one time I would be washing dishes and in twenty minutes I'd have written almost a thousand words of my thoughts. Even sadder that—because I tend to forget a lot of things, even those I've enjoyed—I'm unable to record personal milestones (achievements I've unlocked!), and in consequence I won't have anything to look back on.

I think where I'm getting at is that I'd really like to make sure my phone's storage space is used up for a better reason henceforth. Or rather that I'm no longer going to have to squeeze my soul so hard for inspiration. I intend to make it overflow like it used to last year and the year before that. February would be as good a time as any to begin.

PS Welcome to my 30th (?) blog. I won't promise anymore to keep it.