My hair freshly dyed green by D, sparklers and beer at the Deck of Vask (that would have had a great view of NYE fireworks, except smoke enveloped even the building closest to us), sleeping in for hours... Smooth workdays, watching movies at home, then reading a message that I had only two hours to see my friend before he's gone—two hours later.
That's how this year began.
Like many, I wanted to look back on 2015 but what cancer did to Kenny, one of the few whom I consider my best friend, underlined my desperate need to instead look forward, to improve myself and how I am with my relationships.
We're not really the type to make New Year's resolutions, but D and I vowed to be there more for our family and friends. It was just too convenient to say we're too busy—though it was true most of the time. I mean we could push our limits almost always for work, so how unfortunate it was that we couldn't do the same, if not better, for ourselves and the people we cared for.
I want this year to be lived with intention, as I had the years before. I want to go out there with a bit more effort to reach out, be accepting, and be encouraging. I want this to be another year with D when we'll be able to do personal projects that get our minds going, that make us feel proud. And though it's one of my biggest fears, the strong probability she'll work and stay far from me is something I need to get over, because the world needs her passion. I want to just go, say yes, take initiative, be spontaneous, be present.
Maybe this is grief, burnout or PMS talking, but I am trying so hard to sound so positive.