Seen: Cityscapes

Some photos of places and corners and things I took notice of/that caught my attention while out and about in the city:

Explored an empty room at the penthouse of Clipp Center for work. The unfinished fire exit is rather chic~.
Curve, indoor lounge at Vask
Curve used to have a sweeping view of north of the metro, until the neighbor started its construction. Just across the offending site is a KFC drive-through, which also used to be an empty lot green with grass. Some afternoons ago, when we'd have meetings in this venue, we would see plenty of people lounging, kids playing and flying their kites, dogs running after them.

You can't really have a great view of mother nature these days unless you set foot half-a-hundred stories high in some building, just like the one below. Quite ironic to make that effort, no?



The past few weekends I've been visiting my alma mater to practice dancing, and it feels very much like home with all its untouched narra trees, thriving bushes, fresh air. I cross Commonwealth Avenue afterwards, and the expanse I see every time gives my eyes a break before I head home to the towering urban jungle that is Makati City.

Currently

Eating
3/4 a cucumber with instant coffee, it's one of those days I don't have an appetite for anything. The marinated cheese in the photo is just for props heh. It doesn't taste as good as it looks, unfortunately, but that story is for another day. 


Reading
about submarine cables. My knowledge about tech is pretty basic, and it embarrasses me to admit that I sometimes think the Internet is just generated through osmosis. Here's a neat map of all undersea cables that give us life (aka, the Internet). I'm curious where exactly they go to shore in the Philippines, might pay a visit.

Listening
to the phone ringing, and now to Ma's voice.

Thinking
about...a lot of stuff. There is a whole ocean of thoughts up in here.

Smelling
nothing!!! I'm trying to reduce dairy and sugar in my diet because I've found that they limit my sense of smell. I don't know why that is but it is a thing, and yes, I am due for a checkup.

Wishing
to ~turn back time~ so I could unsay a lot of unsavory words, and redo a lot of those embarrassing, unstylish Blogspot layouts I was so proud I did in high school. At the time, bevel and lens flare made art look so cool.

Hoping
for more quality time, for relationships to heal, for clarity, for drive, to get my muscle memory going in time for our performance this March at UP. Want to watch?


Wearing
my Physical Ed shirt in college, the one I couldn't believe we were required to buy. Also, really comfy shorts that I'm uncertain are mine.

Loving
... Just loving.

Wanting
more

Needing 
self-TLC

Feeling

Clicking
Tinyletters to make me feel better. Favorites are /forest, /shakirasison (I can't handle /unsentletters just yet), /petra, /carina and /aphazia. I also really enjoy getting my news with comments from /mokidoki. Do you have anything to recommend? They're the perfect companion during long commutes, would love to read more of them.

#Blessed

Whatever happened to Truth Thursdays? That was fun for a while though now it seems like it's just gathering dust in the web. Still I figured this old meme was good enough a push for me to write something, in an attempt to get my creative mojo back.


SO HERE IS A WALL OF TEXT:

My original plan this evening was to create a bracelet, but a lot of things (including LAZINESS, YES) got in the way. I'm tempted to complain, for the nth time, but I'm tired of saying that I'm stressed; it makes me sound ungrateful, and I'm sure the people I live and interact with are tired of me bringing such a foul cloud with me into the room. I don't want them to think and resent that they're getting in the way of my work; it should be the other way around.

So in honor of all things new, I'm ready to claim my lively, grateful, yes-woman self back – despite the fluff and stuff I have to overcome – because a happy me means more love to give and more love to take make room for.

No sarcasm in here when I say I am #blessed! On that note, let's make this a Thankful Thursdays post too, why not?

A list:

- My dear girlfriend D – who is ready and game and open-minded with some of my antics, your heart so full – thank you for so many things, two of them being your capacity to understand me and your patience to listen to me.

- Ehrmehgehrd, I am not making anything fashion-related, but I sure have been quite active in the kitchen. Cook-offs with D, that time I MADE CHEESE (super bland, but I still made cheese, hey!), those easy mornings and afternoons when I cook crispy fried eggs and smother them in pepper. Iced Kopiko Brown.


- Gloriously cool mornings when you don't have to get out of bed early

- You know, having a job that pays well and a boss who doesn't devalue me (plus a coworker who never fails to make you smile and laugh) – that is a combination that seldom happens and for that I am thankful

- Spending time with friends you used to be so close to but lost in touch with, like nothing ever changed

- Sometimes my parents and siblings can be a bit narrow-minded about some things (how vague), but they are loving, they don't shame me in public and that matters

- I miss hugging dogs, and I have a dog named Milo. Gonna hug him brb

- Finally got the energy to edit my closet and other things from last year. It took a while, and I'm still not finished, but paring down my stuff has given me a huge relief.

So many things to be grateful for, y'all. My heart now feels lighter. I guess the most important thing I am grateful for is the awareness that this sadness, this stressful moment no matter how prolonged, is one day going to be replaced with much better emotions and memories. And every day there is something to be thankful for, heavy traffic and angry cabbies be damned.

“Make it hurt. Then move on.”

It's said that any kind of pain or worry or negative emotion you should only wallow in for about two minutes; any longer and you're just torturing yourself.

I'm pretty good at shaking things off, especially feelings that try to eat away my self-love. I often wonder if I'm good at it because I'm just zen like that...or because I'm dismissive of my emotions. Either way, I think it's my secret to self-preservation, a defense mechanism. Better feel nothing at all than be hurt. (Which kind of makes me less human, but at least I'm blissfully rid of any sort of negativity, amirite?)

But right now, I'm exhausted. My weekly dance classes are physically taxing, given that I haven't rigorously moved a muscle in years – but even though my legs and my arms and my back hurt from training, that kind of pain still feels welcome. As Elle Woods had famously said, "Endorphins make you happy," and besides, any pain I feel in my body can easily be soothed by a warm rubdown of lola-smelling ointment or a long sleep on a slow weekend.

Mental and emotional exhaustion are, however, a completely different monster.

Every day my head's filled with worry, about work and about love and about family and about myself and my well-being... I want to be human enough to feel a whole spectrum of emotions, but it's inevitable that these things screw you over, slowly. And they don't just go away like the darkness come sunrise.

I'm exhausted. I want to sleep. I want to be taken someplace else where the signal's so bad, I'll have an excuse not to answer calls and texts and emails. I don't want to worry about somebody else's job, save somebody else's ass; don't want to worry if my heart's in the right place or if all I'm working on is worth my time and effort.

This has taken more than two minutes to write, yet I'm still filled with anxiety. Maybe I like to torture myself, like to feel after all. Do I make sense?

I'm exhausted feeling anxious and worried and sad. For someone who's used to brushing off emotions, I'm exhausted feeling anything at all.

Yes, Please!

A little more than two years ago, a magazine stylist (who I recently realized was actually a coursemate back in college) contacted me for my accessories. Her friend gave her a bracelet that she had bought from me in 98B, a weekend market in Escolta for all things handmade. She was looking for "bold, fun, easy mix and match travel wear for 2014", and she thought my necklaces would be a nice addition.

I was so excited!!! A magazine feature, I wouldn't have thunk! I rummaged through the stock I had remaining, and as luck would have it, I discovered that much of the hardware had been corroded by one of the adhesives I used. Dun dun dun. Dun.

My heart sank as I typed in my reply, declining her offer. I did, however, politely request that maybe she could keep me in mind come summer when I've sorted things out.

She did get back to me two months later for a safari photoshoot they were planning.

But this girl right here checked her e-mail a whole mucking month too late.

And that, my dear brothers and sisters, is why I'm still in this creative rut. I'd like to think I'm a Yes Person, but a Yes Person Who Gets There Early I am struggling to be. If only I had checked my mail earlier, if only I had tested my adhesives and materials sooner, if only I had made more accessories as buffer for these kinds of situations...

I am remembering all these because my college friends and I were reminiscing yesterday and Ms. Magazine Stylist, two batches ahead of us, came to mind. As we were talking about my missed opportunity, I still kept kicking myself in my head even though it's been two years. Rather, I'm still kicking myself in my head because why haven't I gotten back to her AGAIN? It's been two years! Ugh.

Anyway, I came across Amy Poehler's book here on A Beautiful Mess, one of my favorite blogs. I'm inspired all of a sudden (to buy that book and) to move forward and make sure I'm not making the same mistakes and losing all these incredible things that I'm being offered. I made this today to set as wallpaper. Use it if you're feeling grabby (for opportunities, that is). Happy weekend!