Life lately

I often find it ironic and very sad that I'm being paid to write and edit stuff for a living, but when it's my turn to do that for myself, I suck at it. :)

Anyway. Let's talk about me!!! Jk! A day before 2016 and after much prodding from D weeks before that, she dyed my hair green – something I'd long been meaning to do. I wanted red hair several years back but as soon as KC Concepcion sported the look... nevermind. I love that green is unexpected but still feels like a natural color, and I guess since there are only two items of green clothing in my possession, I don't feel the pressure of changing my style or giving my wardrobe an overhaul. It looks fine with all the blackness.

Which, to be honest, is getting stale. I'm slowly entering that part of my personal cycle??, where once again color and light and all cute things excite me. Dusty/pastel linen and cotton and viscose garments + ceramics are my obsession du jour, and I wish I had the time and energy to make them for myself.

This hot and sticky weather makes me miss Kenny more (and Macy, too, who's now in Canada). We used to swim in the city's public pool almost every week during summer. Then afterwards binge on junk food. I don't remember how we funded those spontaneous moments (maybe it helped that we had Lucky Me! pancit canton ready for the taking c/o my mother's and Macy's mother's sari-sari stores; or that Briane was so easily bullied into buying 1.5L Coke). You'd think we'd have done this more often by now, but it's only gotten more difficult to align our schedules. #Adulthood

I miss my darling bear terribly, too. Not that we're in a long-distance relationship, mind you; we're pretty much joined at the hip. It's just that we've both been so busy, it's become quite a challenge to be the best partners for each other lately. When one of us is having a bad day and wants to rant, the other might be too tired to function or too stressed out with her own problems to take care of the other. On the bright side, I'm slightly grateful that our stress levels sort of match – and we're self-aware enough to recognize and try to work around this. Otherwise, our wavelengths would be so far off. Also! Weeeee! This Holy Week and the week after that, we've made plans to s l e e p, pray, do some self-care, and travel up north just to get our mind off things. I'm super excited!

~I've been thinking a lot lately.~ You know, about where and how I want to lead my life...soon. It has actually taken up considerable time, which is a good thing because I never want to be that person who doesn't question her status quo...

And I'm feeling good about where I'm headed – or, at least, the fact that I'm enthusiastic and being creative for myself again is something that gives me life. There are still so many things I want to do, and now that I have the resources to do them, I don't have any excuse to delay. D is a blessing to me 'cause she's a woman of action, and she has her plans too that I'm only happy and excited to realize with her. Frankly, I wrote this post to procrastinate and I am a stressed cow (like all of us right before a long weekend), but I wanted to just write to remind myself that things are going great, though they may not always be too obvious to see. :)


My hair freshly dyed green by D, sparklers and beer at the Deck of Vask (that would have had a great view of NYE fireworks, except smoke enveloped even the building closest to us), sleeping in for hours... Smooth workdays, watching movies at home, then reading a message that I had only two hours to see my friend before he's gone—two hours later.

That's how this year began.

Like many, I wanted to look back on 2015 but what cancer did to Kenny, one of the few whom I consider my best friend, underlined my desperate need to instead look forward, to improve myself and how I am with my relationships.

We're not really the type to make New Year's resolutions, but D and I vowed to be there more for our family and friends. It was just too convenient to say we're too busy—though it was true most of the time. I mean we could push our limits almost always for work, so how unfortunate it was that we couldn't do the same, if not better, for ourselves and the people we cared for.

I want this year to be lived with intention, as I had the years before. I want to go out there with a bit more effort to reach out, be accepting, and be encouraging. I want this to be another year with D when we'll be able to do personal projects that get our minds going, that make us feel proud. And though it's one of my biggest fears, the strong probability she'll work and stay far from me is something I need to get over, because the world needs her passion. I want to just go, say yes, take initiative, be spontaneous, be present.

Maybe this is grief, burnout or PMS talking, but I am trying so hard to sound so positive.


My favorite inspirations on Instagram

The creative drought has come to me, and I have run out of things to post on Instagram. Mostly because my phone's storage space has been occupied by screencaps, and photos of things I don't particularly like but have to take anyway for reference. I'm also too lazy to stage and compose photos anymore. Lately I go online just to get inspired by some of my favorite artists, hoping their creativity rubs off on me – whether for posting stuff online or for doing things off the grid.

As someone who wears a lot of black, I grow tired of seeing black/white/gray stuff that are not clothing. It might be an assault to the senses for some, but big bursts of color are my favorite to look at when I'm not feeling very pleasant. Liz Payne here is a textile artist who uses thread and fabric to create fantastic tapestries (which she sometimes sells as prints). I have the utmost respect for someone who not only has that artistic mind but who also has that much patience!

Dusen Dusen's fabric prints are much like Marimekko, in that they are abstract and unapologetically bold without being cloyingly cute and sweet. From time to time they also collaborate with other artists, the most recent one being High Low Jewelry, whose clay pieces I covet (and dream of making hehehe).

I like Eloisa Iturbe's page because I never know what to expect from her next. It could be a collage or a pattern, a random street shot or a mess of things – but I trust that the colors and compositions will draw me in, every single time. It's not an artwork that screams at your face, begging for attention, and in turn your eyes just wander and you get this overall sense of harmony. Rather melodramatic, I know, but it does happen!

You know how your feed sometimes gets saturated with romantic calligraphy, watercolor flowers that seem effortless and every one of them ends up looking the same? I tried my hand with those and realized that I'm never really the type to create something polished. And as frustrating as that can be, it's okay. That's why Ashkahn's work speaks to me. His doodles, some of which end up as cards, are imperfect and they work! They're cheeky and irreverent, too, and humor is something I love about artworks more than their overall look.

There are plenty more I check on Instagram religiously, these are but a few. Surely there are millions out there whose works I'd ogle at, if I only knew them (if only they tagged their posts, too!).

Just a quick reminder before starting the week... take care of yourself and the people you hold dear, and to do your absolute best to keep them your priority.

Excel at home, wherever that may be, as you excel at work. You cannot be a caring partner, a doting family member, a productive employee – you cannot be the best, happiest person you can be – if you cannot take care of yourself first.

Live well.